Listen to God's voice at the foot of the crucifix." ~St. Gaspar del Bufaro~

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Blog Update And Changes

Hello dear readers of this blog~

The events of my marriage and family life have grown more complicated than originally thought, written, and expressed here in the last year.  More has transpired in such a way that I feel it best to honor the privacy of our family by not sharing any more details via this public domain.  However, I do have a plan to keep writing!

For those of you who have been praying for us, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I would appreciate any continued prayers for my husband, my sanity, our whole family's healing and God's will be done. Regardless of the outcome, it is my deepest prayer that this tragedy be turned to triumph in some miraculous way.

 This blog has been a haven for sharing my spiritual journey, alongside of raising a family.  I have met so many wonderful friends and families that I hate to leave behind.  I hope my friends here will keep in touch via email and continue to stop by this blog once in a while. Those of you who check in on me once in awhile have been such a blessing!

Ultimately, I feel called to keep writing, as God sees fit,  because it is my belief that we are not alone on this journey of life and faith.  Most importantly in times of trouble, we need each other to be the hands and feet of Jesus...Who better to share (than you and I) that there's always hope, despite the worst struggle?

I'll continue to share my personal sojourn as I strive to stay anchored to the cross, my battle post.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

He Teaches Me

The darkened church embraced me as I sat in silence gazing up at the throne of God. Like a mother's womb, protecting a vulnerable child, I longed to curl up and stay there forever.   Before the dimly lit candles, I gazed up at the Lord of Hosts and wondered how I could keep facing my world of pain, broken promises, betrayal, and rejection.  Much like a little baby who enters the world wailing, I felt the bemoaning in my soul. 

In sorrow, I am weakened to my knees.
The weight of deceit is crushing.
I am not a good sufferer.
I am paralyzed, not knowing how to proceed from here.

Suddenly, a whisper comes from behind...
He shuffles down the aisle, swishing the tile like sandpaper.
His aged body dangles from the weight of his shoulders and nothing moves but his feet.
I glance up to see who has kept me company in silence.
Recognizing this man from daily Mass and Veteran's Day events, I know that he's a soldier. 
His focus is the altar, Christ present, and Christ on the Cross. 
Those eyes...He teaches me.

As he passes by, I wonder what his story is.
Was he a husband and father?
What about his military service?
Who has he fought for?
Was he courageous?
I know he's alone.
How does he do it at his age?

He maintains a natural smile that upholds his unwavering eyes.
Still focused...He teaches me.

Finally making it to the altar,
he begins a slow descent, lowering his broken body to kneel.  He could have just stood up.  It would have been easier. 
He doesn't take the easy way out. 
There's no one around but me and God. 
Eyes still focused, holding that smile...He teaches me.

I watch as this man suffers.
His body winces in pain but he perseveres with kneeling. 
His heart is steadfast in reaching his goal, offering himself completely, there at the foot of the Cross.
Not an ounce of his suffering body is seen in his eyes, still fixed on the Lord of heavenly hosts...He teaches me.

Suddenly, I'm no longer paralyzed,
I'm inspired for the journey ahead.
Together with my soldier-friend, I gaze up at the same Lord and the same Cross that resurrects us all from our suffering.  
This time, there are two of us smiling through pain.
Faith marches on, there in the silent womb of the church.
From the light of an altar in front of us both,
Hearts open wide, eyes of the soul in focus...
He taught us well.

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