Being crushed by the mystery of what has happened to our family, I woke up crying this morning. I sobbed in bewilderment about why we weren't worth fighting for. Feeling a deep punch to my gut as I wondered about the ripple effects of decisions beyond my control, I spun with confusion. Knowing I will never truly understand what has transpired, I questioned how on earth I will do this life now? Momentarily, I felt abandoned and terribly alone.
Suddenly, a glimpse of heaven shined through a holy mother...The Mother Christ gave us Himself. She's our Mother, your Mother, my Mother...She did this life, just like us. She walked a road of suffering and agony, continuing to say Yes to God from the 1st day He asked her to bear His son, to the last day He took her to heaven. How glorious that day must have been for her...To finally be at peace forever, with the Holy Trinity.
I'm dreaming of that.
I'm dreaming of heaven...
Not in a morbid way but with great excitement for the ultimate goal. It actually fuels me to keep moving forward, to keep going on this sojourn. No matter how painful it is, I know I am not alone and there's much splendor and happiness to look forward to.
Dreaming of heaven gives me the strength to keep teaching the faith in our home, even as a single mother. A prayer life and rhythm of the church year are still alive here.
I vow to keep the light on.
We are still a family, bound together by love that can never be discarded. Humans can discard humans but you can't ditch God's love. Hope may dim on our dark and sorrowful days but it can always be rekindled. Days such as this are a beautiful reminder that good things always come with our eyes fixed on heaven.