First, I just need to vent a bit. Don't you think that divorce is an ugly word? There's just something about it that sounds bad. To be honest, I can't even say the word out loud. I hate it even more because I'm Catholic and it goes against everything I believe in. I believe we were two that became one flesh. I believed in growing continually through our day-to-day fidelity to our marriage promise. I believe in total and mutual self-giving. I gave 100% of myself to my spouse and I thought he did too. What on earth happened?
Like a bomb going off, I discovered this wasn't the reality. Betrayal and pathological lies staggered through the 17 years and suddenly they came to light in shocking ways. I initially wrote about addiction but it turns out that was only a symptom of other issues. In fact, I've heard stories like mine on television talk shows and now one of them showed up in my house. Uninvited. I am that person who had no clue. It was honestly like the father of lies suddenly appeared and shattered our family in one fell swoop. It has truly been UNbelievable.
Being totally transparent, it's clear that I struggle to understand what this is all about. I share here in this personal space, to continue to document healing through the unthinkable, the unfathomable. I'm trying to keep hope afloat for myself and my children. It's not easy. As a person of faith, I know God is keeping me sane. Without Him, I am nothing, I can do nothing. It's so important to know that we are not alone. If there is someone else out there who is struggling with any type of deep suffering, it is my desire to help. I've searched for help and found it through honest, faith-filled writers, who shared their struggles and their paths to healing. I believe it can be done with God's help alone.