Groping for God

Hello God, it's me, Tiffany.

Where are you?

My family has fallen apart and I don't understand.

One day I was a homeschooling Mom who made liturgical food and crafts with my kids and the next day, my whole world crashed down around me. 

I thought I had it all. 

Where has that life gone? 

Oh, how I'd give anything to have it back.

Things haven't been the same since that fateful day...

Our family, our children, our marriage...

Crumpled under the cross.

Holy week came this year and my husband was getting his own apartment. 
I don't know who this man is?

No more Husband, no more Dad in our home.

I saw you carrying your Cross, Lord.  

Every Friday, I watched and listened to your suffering.

I wanted to be just like you but I couldn't.

I just knelt there and poured out my grief upon you because I was too weak to bear it...

Consumed by the cross.

Somehow I got through it...Another Holy Week. 

You were there, Lord.  I know you were. 

Suddenly I see that clearly because

that's where you love us best...on Calvary.

Our Calvary is your Calvary.

Time and time again, you meet us there to show us we can do it.

What holy irony it is that we are closest to you there.

My pain and sorrow is also your pain and sorrow.

You show us that suffering is not the end.

I choose hope.  I choose you, Lord.

Help me to model this for our children...

Huddled near the cross.

Please forgive me for wondering what this is all about

and for missing the old life. 

Like it or not, I'm traveling a new road.
No more homeschooling but still a home built on faith.

Help me to keep you alive in our family, Lord.

Help me to remember that when we are weak, you are made perfect in us.

When we are empty, you have more room to fill us up.

Always and forever...

Family At the Foot of the Cross.

"What came to be through him was life, and this life was the light of the human race; the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." ~John 1:1-18