He Teaches Me

The darkened church embraced me as I sat in silence gazing up at the throne of God. Like a mother's womb, protecting a vulnerable child, I longed to curl up and stay there forever.   Before the dimly lit candles, I gazed up at the Lord of Hosts and wondered how I could keep facing my world of pain, broken promises, betrayal, and rejection.  Much like a little baby who enters the world wailing, I felt the bemoaning in my soul. 

In sorrow, I am weakened to my knees.
The weight of deceit is crushing.
I am not a good sufferer.
I am paralyzed, not knowing how to proceed from here.

Suddenly, a whisper comes from behind...
He shuffles down the aisle, swishing the tile like sandpaper.
His aged body dangles from the weight of his shoulders and nothing moves but his feet.
I glance up to see who has kept me company in silence.
Recognizing this man from daily Mass and Veteran's Day events, I know that he's a soldier. 
His focus is the altar, Christ present, and Christ on the Cross. 
Those eyes...He teaches me.

As he passes by, I wonder what his story is.
Was he a husband and father?
What about his military service?
Who has he fought for?
Was he courageous?
I know he's alone.
How does he do it at his age?

He maintains a natural smile that upholds his unwavering eyes.
Still focused...He teaches me.

Finally making it to the altar,
he begins a slow descent, lowering his broken body to kneel.  He could have just stood up.  It would have been easier. 
He doesn't take the easy way out. 
There's no one around but me and God. 
Eyes still focused, holding that smile...He teaches me.

I watch as this man suffers.
His body winces in pain but he perseveres with kneeling. 
His heart is steadfast in reaching his goal, offering himself completely, there at the foot of the Cross.
Not an ounce of his suffering body is seen in his eyes, still fixed on the Lord of heavenly hosts...He teaches me.


Suddenly, I'm no longer paralyzed,
I'm inspired for the journey ahead.
Together with my soldier-friend, I gaze up at the same Lord and the same Cross that resurrects us all from our suffering.  
This time, there are two of us smiling through pain.
Faith marches on, there in the silent womb of the church.
From the light of an altar in front of us both,
Hearts open wide, eyes of the soul in focus...
He taught us well.

+Written by Tiffany at the Foot of the Cross +

Lord, Hear My Cry!

I went up to a high mountain and cried out...

I cried out at the top of my voice.

I know he hears me and will answer in time...Unfortunately not my time but His.

 

Family At The Foot of The Cross continues to live it's name.  I see more clearly that God helped choose the name for this blog, this path, my journey here on earth, for a good reason.  I trust that I may also share that goodness, eventually.

In the meantime, I wake up every morning with a pit in my stomach...It's still here, the terrible nightmare (another nightmare in my life) that's real.  Sometimes there are no words to express wounds to a soul so I daresay it's best to just ask for prayers.  I know that this situation has now become part of my story, a story unfolding as I groan through the motions.  In the midst of Advent and Christmas joy,

I am delivered a cross...

Passed like a torch, these crosses bind our wounds and heal our pain through each suffering step and stumble.

 

As I stumble through each day, I recall the stumbles of a Savior who carried His cross for me and for the whole world. He fell three times and I fall many more times in sorrow.  I question with agony: "Who will wipe my face of these tears?  Who will save me from this darkness?"  Thank God for answers...It is He, the light of the world. 

 

"Your light shall break forth like the dawn,/ and your wound shall quickly be healed;/ Your vindication shall go before you,/ and the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard./ Then you shall call and the Lord will answer,/ you shall cry for help, and he will say: Here I am!" ~Isaiah 58:8-9

 

I speak out here in writing instead of sinking in.  I hope that if there are others who are suffering, we might band together to comfort and pray for one another.  The depths of a dark hole will never swallow up the light if we refuse to allow it.  We are never alone. 

The Lord hears our cries and saves us through the Cross.  He is mercy and He is love. 

The Cross is a game-changer and victory is ours!

 

The eyes of the Lord are upon those who love him;/he is their mighty shield and strong support,/A shelter from the heat, a shade from the noonday sun,/ a guard against the stumbling, a help against falling." ~Sirach 34:16

I would love to pray for you as I offer up my own time of great trial.  Please leave a comment and I will add you to my list!  If you would find it in your heart to pray for my marriage and family, I would be so grateful.

And earth repeats a loud Amen.

Hello Little Blog!

I'm not the best at being regular around here. 

Why?
Well, I suppose it's partly because I'm in a bit of an upheaval as we suddenly have a house full of (mostly) big kids!  Where did all of the littles go?

It all happened overnight, really,  it did. 

Plus, I'm slowing down. 

It's hard to keep up.

 

Going into this school year we will soon have a 21 year old who will be a Jr. in college (cough, cough) ...Not to mention a high school Sophomore and a 7th grade tween!  With only 2 left in the elementary grades, I'm feeling the difference.  For me, it's a big difference.

I feel ill-equipped after having little kids for so long!

Transition is hard...

OK, it's not what you think with the Red Solo Cup...

;-)

This is more my style!

I'm wondering what's in store for me, for us, this space...

Big question mark?

I've always felt inspired to write and share but not so much, lately. 

Though I feel like I have nothing to offer, I'm not worried. I trust God has a hand in this transition...

The same transition that's been ongoing since our oldest left for college.  I have yet to put into words the paradox of being happy to watch children leave home to start their own lives, while the heart grieves their absence.  Someday, maybe I will.

 

Then again, some things are just meant to be lived, words unspoken. 

Maybe a time will come when I'm on the other side of the experience.

I will (attempt) to wait patiently, even though I am constantly at odds with this virtue of patience. (Argh)!

I'm not good with change... but I know from past experience, that change is good for me.

 

One of my favorite Psalms (25) brings peace.

Lord, make me know your ways.

Lord, teach me your paths.

Make me walk in your truth, and teach me:

for you are God my Savior.

In you, I hope all day long

because of your goodness, O Lord.

Remember your mercy, Lord,

and the love you have shown from of old.

Do not remember the sins of my youth.

In your love remember me.

 

In the midst of it all, there are so many moments that make me feel like I could just die of a grateful heart attack!



 

Since losing a precious spouse, I've never taken life for granted but I've recently come to better appreciate the simple things, the little things.

 

 

Another day is done but a new day is dawning.

See you soon, little blog.

My Mama Cave

I love blogging because this little space is like my "Mama Cave"...

A cave of contemplation.

It is here that I can crawl into a little space as big as a box and pour out my heart.

It is here where I can share what the Lord has done for me in big and little ways, in hopes that maybe He will read my Thank-You notes, now and then.

{Sometimes I truly forget just how "public" this cave actually is}...

Nevertheless, it is here where I can express the gratitude for my sufferings in a way that makes sense to my soul, even when it doesn't make sense to me.

I can only hope that I may hold out a lantern for someone else who might be groping in the dark like I once was...and often still am in many ways.

What I'd love to say is...

C'mon inside and feel the warmth of God's love and let His grace reign down.  

I'd like to pull up a bench next to our creator and just gaze into his eyes, wouldn't you?

I sometimes feel inadequate because I'm not fancy nor do I write to please any particular readers.

Sometimes I don't even have a clue about who cares to read what I have to say.

I guess it doesn't really matter since I don't write for numbers or recognition... I only hope that my boss, that "big man upstairs" recognizes that.  

In a world where information is flying around faster than I can think, I am grateful for this place to sit and actually contemplate the wondrous ways that God works.  If I can share an idea for living  our one, true, Catholic faith, I am happy.  For it is only in giving that we receive.  I have received amazing and abundant blessings from my relationship with Christ, living and breathing through the church.  We are so blessed and that is meant to be shared!

I have made some beautiful friends here, many who inspire me to keep living, working, and striving for sanctity.  I am inspired by many bloggers who are real, honest, warriors for the faith. It is here where I come to gather new prayer intentions that give my prayer life real purpose and meaning.  
I am certain that I see saints-in-the-making all around me.  I see hope in this world through the windows of many faith-filled blogs.
WIth a sincere heart, I step into this cave and with conviction, I step out.
Now that is a cave worth crawling into!