He Teaches Me

The darkened church embraced me as I sat in silence gazing up at the throne of God. Like a mother's womb, protecting a vulnerable child, I longed to curl up and stay there forever.   Before the dimly lit candles, I gazed up at the Lord of Hosts and wondered how I could keep facing my world of pain, broken promises, betrayal, and rejection.  Much like a little baby who enters the world wailing, I felt the bemoaning in my soul. 

In sorrow, I am weakened to my knees.
The weight of deceit is crushing.
I am not a good sufferer.
I am paralyzed, not knowing how to proceed from here.

Suddenly, a whisper comes from behind...
He shuffles down the aisle, swishing the tile like sandpaper.
His aged body dangles from the weight of his shoulders and nothing moves but his feet.
I glance up to see who has kept me company in silence.
Recognizing this man from daily Mass and Veteran's Day events, I know that he's a soldier. 
His focus is the altar, Christ present, and Christ on the Cross. 
Those eyes...He teaches me.

As he passes by, I wonder what his story is.
Was he a husband and father?
What about his military service?
Who has he fought for?
Was he courageous?
I know he's alone.
How does he do it at his age?

He maintains a natural smile that upholds his unwavering eyes.
Still focused...He teaches me.

Finally making it to the altar,
he begins a slow descent, lowering his broken body to kneel.  He could have just stood up.  It would have been easier. 
He doesn't take the easy way out. 
There's no one around but me and God. 
Eyes still focused, holding that smile...He teaches me.

I watch as this man suffers.
His body winces in pain but he perseveres with kneeling. 
His heart is steadfast in reaching his goal, offering himself completely, there at the foot of the Cross.
Not an ounce of his suffering body is seen in his eyes, still fixed on the Lord of heavenly hosts...He teaches me.


Suddenly, I'm no longer paralyzed,
I'm inspired for the journey ahead.
Together with my soldier-friend, I gaze up at the same Lord and the same Cross that resurrects us all from our suffering.  
This time, there are two of us smiling through pain.
Faith marches on, there in the silent womb of the church.
From the light of an altar in front of us both,
Hearts open wide, eyes of the soul in focus...
He taught us well.

+Written by Tiffany at the Foot of the Cross +

Groping for God

Hello God, it's me, Tiffany.

Where are you?

My family has fallen apart and I don't understand.

One day I was a homeschooling Mom who made liturgical food and crafts with my kids and the next day, my whole world crashed down around me. 

I thought I had it all. 

Where has that life gone? 

Oh, how I'd give anything to have it back.

Things haven't been the same since that fateful day...

Our family, our children, our marriage...

Crumpled under the cross.

Holy week came this year and my husband was getting his own apartment. 
I don't know who this man is?

No more Husband, no more Dad in our home.

I saw you carrying your Cross, Lord.  

Every Friday, I watched and listened to your suffering.

I wanted to be just like you but I couldn't.

I just knelt there and poured out my grief upon you because I was too weak to bear it...

Consumed by the cross.

Somehow I got through it...Another Holy Week. 

You were there, Lord.  I know you were. 

Suddenly I see that clearly because

that's where you love us best...on Calvary.

Our Calvary is your Calvary.

Time and time again, you meet us there to show us we can do it.

What holy irony it is that we are closest to you there.

My pain and sorrow is also your pain and sorrow.

You show us that suffering is not the end.

I choose hope.  I choose you, Lord.

Help me to model this for our children...

Huddled near the cross.

Please forgive me for wondering what this is all about

and for missing the old life. 

Like it or not, I'm traveling a new road.
No more homeschooling but still a home built on faith.

Help me to keep you alive in our family, Lord.

Help me to remember that when we are weak, you are made perfect in us.

When we are empty, you have more room to fill us up.

Always and forever...

Family At the Foot of the Cross.

"What came to be through him was life, and this life was the light of the human race; the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." ~John 1:1-18

A Letter To My Husband's Murderers In Honor Of Good Friday

Good Friday~ 2014

Dear Souls~ ( All 3 of you)

This year is the 20th Anniversary of the evening you killed my husband, Chris Walter, while robbing him on Good Friday, April 2, 1994.  My heart still races in terror as I remember witnessing the mortal gunshot wound to his head while you attempted to escape in a getaway car...All while our precious 6 month old baby lay sleeping nearby. Rushing to my husband's side, I only found innocent blood gushing from his lifeless body.

For years, I struggled with anger and hate for you 3 strangers who wrecked Good Friday. 

Not this Good Friday. 
It's 20 years later and I don't hate you anymore. 
I still hate what you did but I don't hate you in the slightest bit. 

You, just like me, were created by God and He loves us more than we could ever imagine.  Even though we betray Him or turn our backs on him, He still hopes that we will all come back to Him, to know His love for us and be with Him in heaven someday.  I hope this for you, just as much as I hope this for myself and the rest of my family.  We are never happy in this life until we find the living God, who still dwells among us, and run to Him.  He is waiting with open arms and His mercy is endless.  "Though the mountains leave their place and the hills be shaken, My love shall never leave you nor my covenant of peace be shaken, says the Lord, who has mercy on you."~Isaiah 54:10, 14-15

In fact, God loves all of us so much, that He sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, to die for us.  He even died a most horrible and murderous death on a cross for all human beings, not just a select few.  It was Good Friday that day too. 

Good Friday is about love and not hate. 

In fact, there was a robber who was crucified right next to Jesus who was forgiven during his dying moments because he had faith in God's son, the Redeemer of the world.  When the robber cried out "Jesus, remember me, when you come into my kingdom, " Jesus cried: "Amen, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise." (Luke 23:43)  The robber's faith set him free.  Even though you have 20 more years in prison, your soul can still find freedom...

While He hung dying on the Cross that Good Friday, Jesus also forgave his own murderers before he died, exclaiming: "Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."  (Luke 23:34)  He knew they could not possibly know what they were doing...If only they believed!

It is here at the foot of the Cross where I find truth and meaning.  God speaks to us there as we all bear our own crosses in this life.  His loving gaze sustains us as He suffered just like we do in all things but sin.  He wants us all to be happy with Him forever.  There is no other love greater than His.

Believing this with all of my heart, I forgive you. 
Believing this with all of my soul, I love you.

Life did not end on that Good Friday 2000 years ago or on that Good Friday 20 years ago.
Life begins on Good Friday because it ends with Easter Sunday.
Christ rose from the dead to prove life...An Eternal life that is free for the choosing.

On this Good Friday, I am praying you will seek and find Him.
On this Good Friday, I am trying to begin again.
On this Good Friday, I hope you will too.

Life, not death, has the last word.
Love wins.
Peace be with you,
Tiffany

"Christ himself bore our sins in his body upon the cross, so that, free from sin, we might live for righteousness.  By his wounds, you have been healed." 1 Peter 2:24

Lenten Burlap Calvary Canvas Art

In my previous post, I mentioned a new found love that I have for using burlap to decorate Lent in the home, as it represents sackcloth used in early Christian penitential sacrifices.

When I picked up this burlap at Hobby Lobby last week, I picked up white canvas boards and these products there as well.  I had a very special project in mind...

The Hill of Calvary has a meaningful place in my heart, not only as the place of Our Lord's Passion, but also the burial place of my dear, late, husband, Chris.  The cemetery where Chris is laid to rest is Calvary Cemetery and it is fitting that he is buried at the top of the hill, as he too died on Good Friday, (1994) sacrificing his life...Defending his family in love.  I never stop missing him, especially as Lent rolls around year after year.

It's difficult to find Calvary Hill artwork so I decided to make my own.  This came from the heart alone~NO skill required but cutting and glueing! (I still claim my craft-handicapped disability;-)  It is very easy and inexpensive.
Step 1:
Use masking tape to outline the crosses on 3 black pieces of felt.  I used an 11x18 size canvas.

Step 2:
Cut-to-fit and cover white canvas frame with burlap and hot glue.

Step 3:
Cut out the felt crosses, using your masking tape as a guide.

Use a few pieces of the scraps to design your "hill."
Step 4:
Leave masking tape in tact to prevent the glue from seeping through.  Use tacky glue to adhere the backside (masking tape) to the burlap frame.

Step 5:
Do you save old buttons?  My mother-in-law does!  We used them to fill in decorate the hill...All colors, shapes, and sizes, to represent all of us whom Christ died for out of the greatest of love.

My 10 yo daughter wanted to use paint to design her own Calvary Canvas.  I was inspired by something similar that my friend Christa did on white canvas last year for Easter...I think she found it on Pinterest?  If I gather the link, I will certainly share it here. {I recently joined Pinterest so I'm trying to fumble my way around there without spending too much time on it!}  My friend Patty also used a similar technique for some cute snowflake art.

Instead of white, we used the extra burlap we had to wrap this 5X7 canvas. (Same procedure mentioned above)

She used masking tape to design/mark her crosses...

Then picked colors of acrylic paint that she thought represented the sky on Good Friday and painted over the masking taped crosses.

It didn't look very attractive until we peeled off the tape when it dried!

This 5x7 size fits nicely inside a large wreath...

But she opted for her room! 

(We had this stencil on hand so she added the word Hope at the bottom...Fitting indeed:)

+Praying your Lent is leading you closer to Calvary, where we find hope at the Foot of the Cross+

Lent~The Cross Beckons

I heard a song on Christian radio this morning that talked about the Cross beckoning us.  Wow, this described just how I feel as we move closer to Lent...A week from today!

The Cross really does beckon us, reminding us of many things but ultimately that this earth is not our home.  

My heart is always heavy this time of year as I remember most vividly, the death of my late husband who was tragically killed on Good Friday.  If you've ever lost a loved one, you know that the death anniversary is forever the most difficult time of year, regardless of the years that have passed.  I can feel my physical mind and body bracing itself to remember as we slowly approach "that time."  There are still moments, after 18 years, that the painful memory is unbearable...

The Cross beckons me.  

I think it can be a similar feeling as we approach Lent, maybe more for some than others, I'm not really sure.  I do know that it can be a somber time of reflection.  Our hearts and minds prepare for difficult images and stories of the murderous death of Our Savior.  It is a stark reminder that life will end for all of us, here on earth.

The Cross beckons us.

There are many things spinning around my head as we move into Ash Wednesday.  I yearn to quiet myself and unplug from the noise of the Internet, I am eager to press the reset button and get back to more intimate prayer, and I am looking forward to preparing our Domestic Church for a new liturgical season.  Still there is one thing I desire more than anything else...

... That is re-fixing my gaze on the Cross.

The Cross is beckoning...

For it is casting our eyes on the Crucifix that we find answers, comfort and instant truth;

Mercy was designed right there for all of us, no exceptions;

Love raised up in glory;

Life ending on this earth turned the key to open the gates of heaven;

Sorrows became the bridge to joy;

Suffering became strength for the journey home;

The Cross beckons.

Despite any pain we might feel or the struggles we carry inside, it is certain that there will be reason to rejoice, if only we embrace the instrument of our salvation.  Lent is the perfect time to do this and I'm looking forward to it!  

Let us stretch out our arms and surrender...

The Cross beckons.

I'm participating in the Catholic Bloggers Network Monthly Round-Up!

The Holy Cross Is Love

Jesus on The Cross, drawn by Princess ~2010

I had completely forgotten about this poem that I wrote last year in honor of The Exaltation of the Holy Cross.  Looking through my archives to see how we celebrated, I found it!  (And these drawings:) I am sharing it again as we remember The Cross of our Lord that sets us free.

Love complete...

is the symbol of horror that became the symbol of hope...

With the death of Our Lord on the Cross, came the dawn of eternal life.

The instrument of our salvation is forever a sacred symbol that we cling to...

In our sufferings and sorrows, we are never alone.

We visit, we kneel, we lay prostrate, we sit quietly,

gazing at the One who gave it all.

Complete surrender at the foot of His cross brings peace,

filling our cups with grace,

quenching our desire for heaven,

Until we are in His arms,

Love Complete.

Feast of The Holy Cross

Exaltation of the Holy Cross

I just sat down and this poem flowed from my heart.  I think that means I should share it here:

Love complete...

is the symbol of horror that became the symbol of hope...

With the death of Our Lord on the cross, came the dawn of eternal life.

The instrument of our salvation is forever a sacred symbol that we cling to...

In our sufferings and sorrows, we are never alone.

We visit, we kneel, we lay prostrate, we sit quietly,

gazing at the One who gave it all.

Complete surrender at the foot of His cross brings peace,

filling our cups with grace,

quenching our desire for heaven,

Until we are in His arms,

Love Complete.

I didn't have much planned today so the things you see here were all spontaneous ideas from the kids!

Six-year-old Superboy came up with the idea of making crosses with our pretzel and popcorn snack!

"Let the crucifix be not only in my eyes and on my breast, but in my heart."

~St. Bernadette~

Triumph of the Cross Brownies for Evening Dessert!