I will be taking a little blog break to heal.
A marriage has ended and a family is broken.
My heart feels like a gaping wound.
Yet it is surreal. I pinch myself here in this little blog window.
Is it really true?
Sadly, it is.
I never dreamed such sorrow could consume me once again. I remember similar feelings after my late husband was tragically killed.
Here I am losing a beloved spouse in a different way.
The price of love is almost too great to bear.
It's been almost 3 years working through this tragedy and my heart still hurts all the time. My brain hurts too. Both my heart and my head still struggle to process all that has happened. Especially because things were good and happy in my house until the lies rolled out. It's still so hard to believe that such an incredible charade took place right before my eyes.
Like a bomb going off, I discovered that betrayal and pathological lies staggered through the 17 years of our marriage and suddenly came to light in shocking ways, including sexual addiction. In fact, I've heard stories like mine on television talk shows and now one of them showed up in my house. Uninvited. I am that person who had no clue. It was honestly like the father of lies suddenly appeared and shattered our family in one fell swoop. It has truly been Unbelievable.
Love still held out hope that maybe a miracle could occur with humility and true reconciliation. I hoped and prayed, for my children's sake, that a miracle recovery and conversion would take place. It was my biggest prayer to have my husband and family back, the way it was 'before.'
...resentment and other broken pieces of my heart...
to see how it's affecting spiritual and physical progress.
Maybe by putting myself out there in all of my weakness, others might find hope and healing a long with me. At times, I have never felt so alone. What breaks people out of this is loneliness is getting it out, talking, writing, etc. If you have ever experienced betrayal trauma, (or any other trauma) you know this. You cannot remain silent. You must be able to talk about it. Even if it reaches one person who needs to know that someone else walks with them, I am here.
I'm sitting with this for now.
As Christians, we know the death of Jesus, those last words he spoke, brought hope.
This is what I cling to.
I carry this cross in the name of hope.
Please pray for my family's healing.