Listen to God's voice at the foot of the crucifix." ~St. Gaspar del Bufaro~

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Though an Army Encamp Me...

Warning!  This is a very real post.
Last night, I was at my wits end.  It seemed as though I couldn't take another moment, alone with the kids, missing my husband, their "daddy"...It's just been a very, very, long 12 days without him.  (And my Mom sick on top of it all?) Have you ever had moments that you just felt surrounded by the enemy and you just can't break out to even say a prayer for yourself?  I'm normally a strong person but for some reason, I was suddenly weak.
The kids are tired too and they miss their Dad.
The sibling fights and the sharp tongues nearly brought me down.
I think one of the hardest parts about parenting is having to be "ON" all the time.  You are their model for behavior, faith name it, everything!  I just hate it when I lose control and my temper fuels the (already) roaring fire.  I call into question my vocation and why God has chosen me for something that I don't feel equipped to do or be.  Does this sound like spiritual warfare, or what?

With that being said, it is true that when we are weak, we are strong, if we trust in the Lord...
3 good things happened!
1. Part of the words to Psalm 27 suddenly popped into my head.  All I could remember was something about an "army encamping me" because that was how I felt. I looked it up, read the whole thing and the words Holy Spirit carried me through the night...I couldn't even pray my usual evening prayers or the rosary as I was utterly exhausted.  It's title is "Trust in God."  The verse that settled in my heart was verse 3:
"Though an army encamp against me,
my heart does not fear;
Though war be waged against me,
even then do I trust."
Psalm 27:3
2.  I had planned on writing a love letter to each of the children as a "surprise" for our first day of school. (Tomorrow!)  I will still be working on those the rest of the day!!!....But I have added to the idea.  With all of the sibling fighting going on, I decided that our first writing assignment (tomorrow) will include them writing love letters to one another, picking at least 3 qualities that they love about that person.  We will start by drawing names and work our way through the family!   I am thinking this will be a new tradition, at least annually, if not more.

3.  One of the children actually thanked me for the discipline measure that I used to correct behavior for their sharp tongue.  I couldn't believe it!??  Have you ever had a child thank you for their punishment?  I sure haven't. He had to write sentences for his disrespect, then he slipped a note under my bathroom door while I was getting ready for church this morning.  It was an apology note and thank you for the "lesson learned!"  No doubt, God had His hand in this one:)

OK, so I'm feeling better and our pilgrims will be home tomorrow night.  We will kick off our school year tomorrow, on the Queenship of Mary...Our Lady will surely be with us, guiding and keeping us close to Jesus.  I will trust as we start anew. And the last lines of Psalm 27:
"But I believe I shall enjoy the Lord's goodness
 in the land of the living.  
Wait for the Lord, take courage;
be stouthearted, wait for the Lord."

A huge Thank You for anyone who  might have been praying for my Mom.  It seems she has a third diagnosis (strange pneumonia that I can't pronounce) and she will slowly be getting better soon.  She is still in the faraway hospital but we are praying she will be home this week! 


  1. Tiffany, prayers are coming your way for trust in the Lord, and perseverance. I love that Psalm 27. Perhaps this was a pilgrimage of sorts for you and the little ones at home, and you have done so well, leading them for these long days (it makes us sure appreciate our hubbies doesn't it) and holding everything together with your mom's illness. prayers prayers. :) Our Lady will surely be with you and your chidlren tomorrow (love the writing assignment!)

  2. Oh, Tiffany, it is soooo hard when our husbands are gone. It sure makes us appreciate them that much more. I'm sure it will be a glorious homecoming.

    Praying for your mama. Hope she is home soon.

    We also start tomorrow on the Queenship of Mary, a fitting day. I already have one complaining we are starting too early and she hates school!!

    The others are all excited. I'm not going to let it get me down!! Did you get some of those pre made cookies in the package, that all you have to do is bake? "happy mama cookies" I call them for the first day of school!!

    God bless you.

  3. Tiffany, my prayers are with you! I hate when I loose my temper too! Trying so hard to be the calm amongst the storm and then loosing it as well! It can be so demoralizing! Tomorrow is another day!

  4. I lose my temper, too. Too often it seems. Hang in there. It has been one huge battle for you with everything going on. But it looks as though your seeds have already started to sprout with the "Thank you and I'm sorry" note you received.

    Now, if you have any wine, I'd suggest pouring yourself a little bit, breathe slow and get a good nights rest.

    BTW, I think the love letters to your children is one of the most beautiful ideas that I have heard in a long, long time!

  5. Praying for a good "first day", your mom, and your travelers!


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