I have a neat story to share in hopes that it might bring strength and a little light to others who may be feeling weak in any area of life...
Last year I intentionally brought all of my feelings of inadequacy to the Lord during my first Holy Hour in August. By the way, it is here that I go to receive my "Marching Orders" every year:) I opened a book called Your Move, God, that my spiritual director had recommended. I
"It is not you who call yourself to this work.
It is I, the Lord, your God.
It is I, your Beloved Father.
It is I, the Holy Spirit, who call you.
It will be my work.
It will be for My people and it will be for My glory.
I will use you as you come before Me
in the spirit of humility
in the spirit of littleness
in the spirit of renouncing your own spirit, your own will, your own desires, your own vision, your own everything."
I considered these my 2010/11 Marching Orders, followed by this final passage:
"Unite yourself to Me
your Beloved Father
your Beloved Bridegroom
your Beloved Holy Spirit
and I will use you mightily."
I really have no idea how the Lord used me last year and it's beyond me to even think about. What is within my realm of thought is to keep moving forward, trusting in Him as my Beloved Father. Like the title of the book, it's Your Move, God.
Fast forward to this year...
I have not picked up this book since last year. I'm not really sure why?....Other books just inched their way to the front of the line. So it was a God-incidence that I grabbed it this morning for my Holy Hour, the first one in August. It's another new school year, go figure.
Praying in earnest for God's grace to jump start my heart, I turned to this passage on Pg. 54:
"We are living in the age of knowledge explosion. Some 250,000 books are published each year. Yet all this knowledge can explode in our faces unless it helps us to know the most basic fact of our existence: God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him. Whatever else we learn from books, if they deny this, they deny everything."
We need to adopt a habit of surrender with each book we pick up. Then we pray, "Your Move, God, He moves!"
I went on to read this paragraph that really spoke to me as this year's "Marching Orders":
(I was moved to tears...)
"The grace of littleness is by no means a little thing
it is a big thing to be little before your God.
It is a big grace and I gift you with it because in your littleness I can indeed be big.
I can be for you Yahweh, the Powerful One.
As I bless you with littleness, no matter how educated you are
you will become like a little child.
(The tears came here)
Even your thoughts will come forth
with a new realization of littleness.
In the past you have been heard to say
"When I was little, I used to think."
This day I give to you the grace, the power, the holy wit, to say "When I was big, I used to think."
This final passage really spoke to me as I struggle to plan for the new school year....(Pg. 55)
"I can only use you when you are little and simple before Me.
When you get too big with ideas and plans of your own, I cannot use you.
So let go of your need to have it all figured out.
I, your God, have it all figured out.
I know exactly what I want to do.
I know exactly how I want to do it.
I know exactly when I want to do it.
My time-table is perfect.
As long as you remain little,
you will be perfectly on My time-table.
And how about this as a reminder that I am not in control? (Pg. 56) Can you relate?
"I love you, My little one,
but my annointing does not come upon you all at once.
You are somewhat like the car that is filled with gasoline and travels a long way.
The gasoline gets lower and lower in the tank.
So you need to stop at the filling station to get filled once again.
I do this on purpose with you that you may stay in that perfect rhythm of dependence on Me that you may come to Me always as your source.
It is with great purpose that you sometimes experience great emptiness......"
I ask you to do nothing that a little child cannot do. What can a child do?
It can listen, love, and obey.
My grace is enough for you. I see your weakness, My child, weakness in your flesh to watch with Me
in your spirit to hear My voice
in your will to use My gifts....
Be content to be weak
for in it is My magnificent strength.
Those most effective in My ministry
are those most aware of their weakness, their inadequacy, their imperfections..
because then they rely on My strength, My goodness, and My perfection.
So there, I shall be content to be weak as I move forward...Not My move but Your Move, God.