He Must Have Known...Calvary Hill

It's that time of year again...My Calvary beckons.

For those who have lost dear ones, they know that grief changes but it never goes away...

Like a vast ocean that ebbs and tides over a span of a lifetime, it's always there, a cross to bear.  And yet the load shifts, if we allow it, moving to new places in the undiscovered crevices of our soul.  

Just over the hill from the cemetery lies the ocean that carries the waves of my story.  He, Lord of heaven and earth, must have known I'd need the sea...
 New ways to bear this load, in strengthened faith and resolve, keep me in forward motion.  Memories of a life once had are just over my shoulder, begging a backward glance...a life that could have been, a life not meant to be. Though deep and happy, my spirit is strained.

 The struggle never ceases but at the same time, neither do the consolations...
(I came across this quote yesterday)
"Bear the cross but do not make the cross bear you."
~Philip Neri~
Amen.

Last weekend, I made my annual trek to the resting place of my dear, late husband, Chris.  He has been buried at the top of the hill, under that beautiful evergreen tree at Calvary Cemetery, for many years now. Still, it never ceases to amaze me that we buried him on top of Calvary Hill after his tragic death on Good Friday.  
It wasn't my plan. 
Without a doubt, God had this all in mind.
He must have known.

He must have known that I'd find comfort in uniting my cross to those 3 crosses at the top of the hill with each passing year...

 

He must have known I'd bring my memories, my sadness, my loss, one foot in front of the other, uniting one Good Friday with another.

He must have known that I'd find beauty in the fields of gold...Peace in the whisper of the hilltop winds.

He must have known that the seeds of forgiveness would brightly bloom, beginning right here.

He must have known where there was hatred, there would be love...

Where there was darkness, there would be light,

Where there was doubt, there would be faith.

He must have known that climbing the hill to Calvary would heal the brokenhearted.
(Isaiah 61:1-2)

He must have known that the foot of the cross would become an altar of grace.

He must have known that one Good Friday after another, sorrow and love would mingle in a flow of life saving remedy.

Here lies a slain soldier, who heroically shed his blood...laid down his own life to save the life of his family.

As always, the parallels this time of year are uncanny on my Calvary Hill...They have helped me survive over the years, contributing to my armoury of hope...He must have known.

The God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory through Christ Jesus will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you after you have suffered a little.  To Him be dominion forever.
1 Peter 5:10-11