I Surrender (again) 2012

This first week of 2012 was one of surrender.

It all began after reading these articles that I posted on the 7th day of Christmas.  I began to reflect and ask myself what my personal goals were for this New Year...but I came up with no immediate answers?
And then I read this quote that described how I felt:
"The New Year notion of beginning again is built into us and God made us this way so that we would never stop longing for Him."
~Fr. James M. Sullivan~

That was it, I was longing for God, to grow deeper in my faith...And suddenly I didn't know what to do or how to get there?  However, I knew one place where I needed to start.  As I have mentioned before, when I have trouble with discernment in my life, I head to the Blessed Sacrament...Jesus never fails to provide an answer.  This is certaninly no surprise or earth-shattering news for fellow Jesus Junkies:) Sometimes it takes some time and the answers aren't what I want or expect but He answers still the same...I have actually grown to love that it's not about what I want OR expect:)

  

As I knelt there in silence before the Lord, I felt my slate being cleared.  You know those Etch a Sketch games that clear your scribbles?  That's what I felt like.

A veil of peace swept over me and this is what poured forth from my heart...I did not "think"these words, they just flowed out, like a steady river.

 (I recorded this prayer in my Adoration Journal)

"Here I am, Lord.

I surrender myself to You...

All of me, every bone in my body,

Take me Lord, as unworthy as I am and do with me what you will for me.

I am all yours, body and soul.

Help me to know what you want for me.

Help me to see your face and hear your still small voice in everything and everyone around me.

Have mercy on me a poor, poor sinner.

My heart floods with sorrow before you, 

Yet I am filled with joy and thanksgiving that you should gaze upon me from your throne of grace.

With my arms outstretched, I call out to you.

Lord, I surrender,

Lord, I surrender,

Lord I surrender.

Help me to know your will.

Help me to do your will.

Help me to be your will.

Whatever it is, Lord, I am ready."

So there you go, my personal theme and goal for 2012...
I surrender.  

The funny thing is that when I looked back at my marching orders for the 2011/12 school year, lest I be surprised, it was a similar message.  How quickly I had forgotten what God wanted of me.  Yet somehow, the deepest part of me must have known as my heart gushed out in prayer before Him.  My soul remembered even if I didn't:) It is apparent that I need to work on the surrender of all of me, all of the time...Not just "for a time" and forget about it!

Silly me, God doesn't want to reinvent the wheel every darned time, does He?  He just wants us to listen the first time!  How many times a day do I scold my own children for not listening and here I am with the plank in my eye.  But God is always gracious and patient and merciful with His little children, maybe I should take heed there as well;)

Today, through my surrender, I was  "reminded" to let go of my big ideas, to adopt a spirit of surrender and be content to be weak. (Again)  Though it sounds like an uncomfortable place to be, it's really quite the opposite.  I am free when I surrender and only when I surrender am I free.  God, in turn, provided immediate opportunities for me to test this new freedom:) Yes, there are miracles all around us waiting to happen, if only we just stop to listen, let go and let God.

These 5 goals came to my heart thereafter:

1. Surrender myself daily, that I may better see what God wills instead of what I will. (Pray daily the prayer above:)

2.  Take heed to exercise daily, both spiritually and physically.  I created an outline of what my prayer and Sacrament schedule should look like, accompanied by physical exercise.

3.  Know, love, and serve those in my own home better.  I cannot know, love, and serve God outside my home until I start within.

4.  Pray and discern a family service project.

5. Appreciate and be grateful for each day that I have all 5 children at home...Our oldest will be leaving home this summer.  Begin a Gratitude Journal for this son, recording my thankful thoughts for him these last 8 months before he leaves for a faraway college.   I am also running to Mary, praying for the generosity to allow and encourage my son to respond to God's call, just as she allowed her Son to leave His home.

It has been a beautiful week of surrender and for this, I am grateful.  What else does this year hold, I wonder?  Whatever it is, I pray that it includes more of Him for He is the only answer to my heart's desire and that of all created human beings as well. I pray that anyone who reads this might be blessed with the following prayer in this promising New Year!

"In whatever way the New Year will unfold before us remains a matter of God's providence.  Our fulfillment of his will rests in what we choose to do.  In the midst of all of that, no matter what happens, never stop desiring more~more happiness, more joy, more of Him. ~Father James M. Sullivan~

Amen!